Originally, I was going to write several blog posts of our experiences for Autism Awareness month, but, I’ve been a busy mama (and not all of that time was spent playing Farmville 2).

So here’s our young man

He used to look like this, a little boy………

and now he’s this tall, young man with a more mature voice.

A young man who still likes to play with tub toys, and bring them to the beach.

(Beware, the “fierce” rubber shark!)

When he was little, he liked to bring sticks into the house and carry them around as “whips”.  One day, my husband became really tired of seeing sticks collecting in the house, so he helped our son find a new form of “whip”.  He bought Kylin a bag of zip-ties, which were the perfect replacement (and good for us if we ever needed to fasten anything to something else!)  Eventually, Kylin discovered that the “whip” could reach a longer distance, if something was taped to it, like a silly straw (he’s a big fan of tape too, so we buy him a roll of painter’s tape for those “gift-giving” occasions.  To him, it’s gold!).

Before he became a teenager, Kevin found this book for me on Amazon.  “Mixed Blessings” was written by William and Barbara Christopher, about their experience raising their autistic son (those who are fans of the show “M*A*S*H” will know William as “Father Mulcahy”).  I’m glad that I read it before my son hit puberty, as they described how their son became more agitated and aggressive once it hit.  So I had some idea of what to expect.  Fortunately, with Kylin, the hard work that we’ve all put in to help him control his emotions at times when things don’t go his way, seem to have helped, so far.

This book is out of print, however it may still be found on Amazon.

Turning 15 for Kylin will be a bit different than it was for Heather.  He isn’t ready to learn to drive, and time will tell if he ever will be.  The plan is to take him to the DMV and get him an ID card, and then help him open up a bank account, so he can learn more about saving money and gaining interest.

He’s also wishing that he had someone to play with his cars “nicely” (meaning, “play how I want to play, and don’t take the cars out of my room unless I say it’s ok”).  This is kind of a big deal, because, in the past, he didn’t want any outside “involvement” when he played.

We’ve also noticed more clarity in his thinking when he writes down his thoughts than when he speaks them.   He’s posting more on Facebook and has been making more of an effort to talk about “real” and appropriate things.   “inappropriate” would be pictures of him being a dictator wanting to go to war.  We did tell him what usually happens to dictators and we didn’t feel that was a worthy career choice for him!  When the “dictator” talk or pictures start happening, that’s his way of saying that he’s in a situation that he has no control over and he doesn’t like that.

We have finally started letting him watch movies with some action in them.  In the past, he couldn’t even watch “Finding Nemo” without getting overly charged and aggressive.   Now he just sits through an action movie rather calmly, and then makes a comment afterwards.  When we watched “Jurassic Park”, he was fairly quiet.  Then at the end, when the cast is bloody, exhausted and limping to the helicopter, Kylin’s matter-of-fact comment was, “They’re going to need to take a shower when they get home”.   Ummm, yeah, I’m sure they are. 🙂

It should be interesting to see what changes and what stays the same over the next year.

 Changes that don’t necessarily include gaining more inches in height over his big sister!

Elizabeth 🙂

April is Autism Awareness month.  As one mother of an autistic daughter wrote in our local paper, “Every month” is that month

Those of us who have been blessed with these unique children are aware every day, every hour, every minute and every second that Autism is a reality.

The mother mentioned above also wrote of instances where she would be out in public with her child and others around them would think that her child was undisciplined.   Those folks have no idea, that it could be worse.  Instead of a child who may not be patiently waiting in line and running around at a store or restaurant, they could be witnessing a child having a meltdown which could be viewed by others at a tantrum.   One day, I was in a grocery store and saw a mother with two preteen daughters walking with her while her preteen son was sitting in the shopping cart, wailing loudly.  I’m sure that this mother was getting some critical looks from others for how her son was acting.  When I passed her, I tried to give an understanding smile, because I was pretty sure I knew what she was dealing with.

Having a child on the spectrum has been an interesting journey.  We’ve had to change some of our thinking in how we parent him.

For example: There was a 3 year period where our son would not eat anything except peanut butter sandwiches.  Anytime we went to a restaurant, I had a baggie with a PB sandwich in my purse (sometimes a little squished, and he didn’t like squished) for him.  I always felt that I was being viewed as playing favorites with my kids because we would order from the menu for our daughter and then pull out this squished sandwich for out son.

Another example is when we would go to a store or restaurant that, for some reason, he didn’t like.   When our son was little, there was a particular grocery store that he didn’t like (but I needed to shop there, in order to save money).  Every time, I would turn onto the freeway to go to that store, he’d let out a loud scream in the car.   It happened every time, for months.   Then one day, he stopped doing that.

When he was a toddler, he was suddenly freaked out about taking a bath.   For 6 months, I bathed a screaming kid, and then as suddenly as it started, he was back to being fine and happy with bathes.

He was also prone to suddenly scream.  Just a shriek.   He did that in front of a friend once and she immediately said, “Um, I wouldn’t let him do that”.   I really wanted to say, “Well gee, I’m sorry, he didn’t give me an itinerary as to when the screams were scheduled!”.  All I could really say was that I don’t “let” it happen, but I do handle them when they do happen.  For as much as he loves a predictable life, he himself can be unpredictable.  Finally one day, I decided that I was no longer going to accept embarrassment or criticism for his behaviour or how we handled him because those critics were not dealing with what we were dealing with and in some cases, refused to educate themselves about autism.

He’s a teenager now.  He can handle his meltdowns much better and we can tell when one is coming.  Usually, if we can catch it early enough, a long hug from one of us, and talking him through it helps to keep it from escalating to something more difficult to handle.

He may be taller than me now, but he still loves Disney cartoons and seeing “Mater” from “Cars” is like seeing a real celebrity.

When you ask him to smile, and it’s not in his nature to smile for a camera so the one he gives is more intense

When he draws detailed maps, hand-copied from our local phone book.

He has a different view on how things should be, such as “It should be illegal to drive when you’re a zombie” (or when you’re asleep).

He reminds us of “Sheldon Cooper” from “The Big Bang Theory” tv show in that he feels a need to have things a certain way (such as a particular spot on the couch when where are plenty of other places to sit).

We can remind him to do the dishes or sort his laundry and we receive the same line of questioning: “Will I have to do this for the rest of my life?”, “Is this a daily chore or a once a week chore?”, “Are you mad or just sounding firm?”

The kid entertains us and fascinates us daily, even when he looks at his older sister and randomly asks, “Are you glad that I’m not a boat?”.

Elizabeth